too much for my own good.

So, I’m sitting here complete with orange juice and a special K bar, and just feel like… something isn’t right. I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s as though I feel uncomfortable in my own room. I feel as though there are things that are unexplainable to me, however they’re close enough that they should be explained. I feel a sense of urgency. I feel tired. I feel like despite the beautiful day outside and the fact that I’m wearing shorts, I’m not happy. and the sad thing is, I don’t know why. 

Today is officially my easiest day of the week. Class from 10:30-11:50 and then 12:10-1. And that’s it. I’m done. But for some reason I feel a sense of panic in that something will go wrong today, or already has. I guess we’ll see. 

This morning was horrible, to be honest. I got woken up around 7:45 in the morning from a text, and for some reason could not fall asleep for the life of me, and my nose was being angry at being woken up, and decided to make me use numerous tissues, while trying to fall asleep again. I finally fell asleep around (and when I say sleep, i mean.. sleep in which I’m not half asleep and think I’m awake the whole time) maybe… 8:20 or something? And then I got up at 9. It was just so miserable. But I guess all I can really do is move on… :/

I’m hoping this day just gets better.

I look out my window to see the sunny day outside and thank God that life is so beautiful.

I find myself sitting here on my busiest day of the week, wishing I could just crawl back into bed and lie there until I’m fully rested, in the comfort of my sheets and blankets. I just look outside to the gray skies, and wind knowing that out of all the days the weather could be this horrible, this is one of the worst possible days it could be. I just wish that on days like this, lying in bed, sleeping or not, was an option. I miss when I’d wake up on the weekends, and simply lie there because I wanted to. Because that was all I could want to do at that moment. Those days I see slowly slipping by me all the time. Every weekend it’s as though I have something to do, or someone to see, and as much as I love having these things in my life, and being able to create memories with the people and environment around me, I still feel as though if I had a “perfect day”, it would be one where I might just lie in bed all day: thinking, sleeping, and wandering my thoughts. It would be as though I could contemplate every little aspect in my life, and remain comfortable, warm, and hugged by my blankets, and if I wanted to, all I would have to do is close my eyes, and drift off to sleep. 

My bed looks so inviting over there and I want to jump back into it so badly. But I know, sadly, that this is not a reality. I have class in little less than an hour, and after that, I have a math quiz, and a discussion. And sadly, it’s not over then. Being a part of Cuarto leadership council, tonight we’re having a “leadership bowling night” and as excited as I was for this, looking out at the gray skies, and the lure of my bed make me feel as though I would rather just stay home tonight.

Luckily, after today, my school week gets easier, and then comes the weekend. I’ve decided I’m going to commit myself to one day this weekend, where all I do is lie in bed and think about everything I can imagine, and hopefully this will hold me over until I can do this again next weekend.

It’s funny how there were numerous weekends when all I would do is look outside at the sunny day with blue skies, and want nothing more than to go outside and ignore homework and school completely, but then, these obligations commanded my attention and dedication, and that peaceful, wonderful Sunday slipped out of my grip. I guess it’s more just that everyone wants what they can’t have. Today I’m forced out of my dorm room, and perhaps tomorrow, I’ll want nothing more than to go outside. It all depends on circumstance, and it all depends on what you’re feeling at that moment. And it’s at this moment, all I wish to do, is sleep.

Every picture is a gift. One that can never be taken for granted. That’s how you should see it. Think about when you couldn’t just waste picture after picture, not worrying about how it would turn out. Because in reality, these images are of significance. These are the photos that represent your life.

I smell like Tide.

My shirt, smells like freshly-cleaned-out-of-the-laundry-Tide.

Thanks, mom.

Lunch with meghan, and my lovely tostada chicken salad. Yum. Its great to be back to stonestown galleria.

lying in bed, it’s 9:25. Midterms in about three and a half hours… Get up? yeah, i guess so.

well, done with class for the day but off to a few hours of relaxation before going back to full study mode :/

Today, i donated blood for the first time ever. It was… interesting. Definitely a lot less painful than I had imagined. Sadly, I only filled half a bag, and so they don’t even donate it to anyone to use, and also I don’t even get to know what my blood type is. But I did it, and that’s what matters.

Excuse the mess, please.